


Studies of Cybertronians

by cero_ate



Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-23 00:23:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13178388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cero_ate/pseuds/cero_ate
Summary: Skywarp didn't mean to start studying. But what was supposed be a prank goes wrong when someone takes him seriously.





	1. Ruminations on Squishies

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DarkDanc3r](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkDanc3r/gifts).



> A Yule gift for Darkdanc3r. Eventually there will be pairings
> 
> As ever, don't own the characters just the ideas

It started because he was bored. To be fair most things started because he was bored with him. Or horny. But this was definite boredom. Not bored enough that monitoring duty sounded like a great idea. But bored enough that he’d decided to play chicken with just how close he could get to the idiot Autobots without them catching him. Apparently he’d found a good place because he was able to get close enough to probe at their wifi. Probe...he loved the word Probe. It conjured such interesting ideas….probing at TC…

Most of their wifi was secure except the connections they were using to attend squishy academies. How boring. Although he hadn’t expected to even find that much. Normally their connections were closed tighter than Screamer’s valve. (that was really tightly closed. And sealed. Because Screamer wouldn’t let anyone probe him. Because he was boring and serious.) Like the squishy degrees most of the autobot idiots were getting. 

Advanced physics, advanced biology (ewwww squishy innards) advanced Chemistry...that had potential. But still totally boring. Advanced criminal forensics...didn’t the Auto-idiots know how to have any fun? Because their choices in studies totally didn’t show any attempt at it. All serious, staid, boring, dull degrees. 

Okay there were two interesting ones. The squishies apparently had a degree in their music. And someone was studying humans. 

Why did humans have an entire field devoted to studying themselves? Cybertronians didn’t! They just made each other uncomfortable because of frame types and it worked well enough. He thought the humans had the same reasoning going. He’d seen videos of them killing each other for human frame-types. That was far more sensible than studying each other.

Also whoever was studying it was boring. And serious. The papers they were turning in had the most boring conclusions ever. Someone should add some fun into the papers. 

Skywarp settled down to do just that. Really. Studying squishy religions and not mentioning his favorite human Gods and making Zeus and Odin sound serious? Bah. Everyone knew that they weren’t and besides, Loki and Hermes were totally where it was really at. They were the coolest squishy Gods. All stealing and lying and convincing everyone to kill the boring ones. Zeus was okay but how did Zeus not wear out his spike? And Odin just ruined a perfectly good disguise ability to go around and find knowledge. BORING. Might as well be Starscream all locked up tight in his lab instead of drinking high grade and having fun. OHhhh...there was another fun god! Dionysus seemed like he’d be a good guy to hang out with.

Skywarp almost vopped out when he realised whoever it was who was taking the course was actually responding to his notes. Scraplets...they weren’t supposed to catch on that quickly. But they didn’t seem mad? They seemed to be taking his conclusions seriously. What the pit? No one took him seriously. He didn’t even take himself seriously most the time. This Autobot was seriously twisted. From the comments back they seemed to be enjoying his commentary on the dullness of their papers?

Skywarp stayed until he had to leave for monitor duty. Well...that had been an amusing use of his off-time. Too bad they'd probably fix their security flaw before he got a chance to play hooky again. Or escape Starscream and his relentlessly boring plots and science lab time where Skywarp HAD to hang out with him and hold things until Starscream made some new weapon or something. Starscream never made the weapons HE wanted him to make though.

The last comment on his last comment almost made him fall out of the sky. Frag. He’d been snarking at OPTIMUS PRIME the entire time. And the Prime had been taking his comments seriously. What in the PIT? Optimus invited him back too. Seriously the Autobot leader was twisted.


	2. Optimus Elated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Optimus' side of the debate

Optimus had truly missed studying for studying’s sake. He’d loved being an archivist, digging into dirty dull history no one else cared about, and finding a home for each individual piece of date he’d come across. He missed the soft sounds of a well kept archive, the soft conversations whispers of history long past. He’d missed choosing a subject at random and diving in, to learn everything he wanted to or cared to learn about it. But Prime’s were at the behest of their people, and diving into a subject had to have a reason now. The quiet of the library was a luxury long past into the very annals of history he had adored.

Still, he’d been quite self-indulgent when he’d chosen to study Anthropology. He probably should have chosen War Tactics, or Military History, or something far more useful for the task at hand. Even studying Political Science would probably have been a choice wiser helms would have made. But he loved these little humans, and he wanted to find out why they did what they did. He wanted to find out how they’d managed to not tear themselves asunder when they had access to as much reason as they did. 

Of course he’d phrased it in sufficiently logical terms, and with good reasons, but he knew for himself, that this was as self indulgent as the fact that Prowl had chosen to study Criminal Forensics and Jazz studied Musical theory. They though had the excuse that they were working so hard during their regular shifts, they deserved time off for their own pet projects. He was lucky and blessed by Primus himself to have his loyal second and third in commands. This war would have ended badly a long time ago without their help.

He knew that the scientists left their papers open for commentary from each other, and thus that was the default method of leaving the pages but he’d never expected to have anyone comment on his own papers. Despite the fact that his team liked humans well enough, few cared to learn about humanity as a whole like he was studying. Fewer still felt they could intrude on his reports. 

Thus he was startled when he realised someone had accessed and commented all over his latest papers. And the commentary was witty, bitingly so. He wondered who had finally had the spike to call him out on his findings. It was WONDERFUL. He enjoyed the repartee although he struggled to figure out which Autobot it was. He wished they’d identify themselves so that he could meet them for energon and continue the conversation in person. However he understood the allure of anonymity. He wished often he could avail himself of it, be like Orion had, and go for drinks, or anything really. He wished he could tell whoever it was, how much it pleased him that they were treating him just like any other mech.

The back and forth lasted for human hours. Even as even tempered as he had had to learn to be, he still started to get a little defensive toward the end, as the mech continued to rip apart his arguments like tinfoil. He might have felt a little less appreciative toward the end of their repartee but still… to have someone besides his command staff willing to take his conclusions apart like this was wonderful. He wasn’t sure though, that they knew who they were arguing with, so he carefully decided to thank them and identify himself at the same time. It was only fair that they know even if he didn’t know who they were.

He waited for another comment after for nearly a human hour...it seemed he’d scared his sparring partner off. It had been nice though, while it lasted. He’d have to devote some time to figuring out just which Autobot was that good at tearing an argument to shreds of confetti. It would be his mystery. Something to ponder during long meetings perhaps?


	3. You can't be late if you didn't enroll!

Skywarp swore up and down he would NOT go back to the crazy Prime and his crazy autobots. 

That lasted for about two weeks. 

He couldn’t help it! He was so bored. Starscream was in science mode which meant no clanging. And Thundercracker was unusually doleful. Probably because there was no clanging from Starscream. Skywarp TRIED to enliven his trinmates...but there was only so much a teleporting prankster with limited access to minis to glue to walls could do to help his poor trinemates. And only so much extra monitor duty that Skywarp was willing to risk, to be honest. He really wished Megatron hadn’t caught on to the fact that extra patrols were a treat, not a punishment.

So back to the outskirts of Autobot controlled territory, to see if the glitch in the systems still existed and if the Prime really WAS that crazy.

It did and he was. However, it seemed that the Prime thought he was an Autobot. As if. Bunch of bleeding fuel pumped idiots who wanted things like they used to be. He would never be an idiot like them. But the human’s human studies was at least kinda interesting. Who knew that there were reasons behind why different squishies did what they did? 

Finally he couldn’t resist it. He agreed to a question for a question. He knew this was going to blow up in his face. But it was almost time to go anyway. One question each, honest answers.

-Why are you studying this shit? Human studies don’t make sense for the leader of the Autobots.- 

-I should answer that it is because we are coexisting on this planet. It is a wise idea to know your allies and what makes them behave in the manner that they do. But to be honest? It’s because they are fascinating and it’s fun. Now, my friend, which of my people are you?-

-Jokes on you OP. I’m not one of your people. I’m the one and only Skywarp.- 

Skywarp knew how to make an exit and he got to going to make one. Again convinced that the Prime was insane because of his last transmission

-I do hope you’ll come debate again then, Skywarp.-

What the PIT? 

Skywarp almost turned around to give the prime a piece of his mind but well that would ruin the exit he had planned.

The next time he went, it took more than a month. Partially because of the blasted twins and their Pits-damned Jet Judo. He hated that shit. Grounders belonged on the GROUND. Not trying to rip his wings off in the air. It was bad enough they had to work around the Aerial sparklings, but the damned twins were good at their jobs. Which meant during another failed raid, when he got a little too close to the sniper, he wound up in medbay for two weeks while his wings were re-stabilized. 

Partially it was because well...he just didn’t know if he’d be able to come back and deal. But when he did, not only was the glitch still open but now he had his very own log in. Instead of just coming as a guest, he now had a place of his own, and he could enroll in classes.

-Does your second and third know you’re this glitched?- Skywarp asked Optimus. Because if they did, and they put up with this, how did they do it without the beatings that Starscream got?

-Welcome back, Skywarp. I am pleased to see you recovered. Your first assignment is late but I told the professors you were out injured.-

-What the fuck? I’m not late! I didn’t even sign up for Gender and Language! We don’t even HAVE Genders!-

-You still have time to drop out, but that’s the course I’m taking at the moment, and you did offer valuable insights during my last course of studies.-

-Fine, Whatever. But I need a flexible schedule. I can’t be taking squishy studies all the time. I’ve got important things to do. Seriously though, does your first and second know your processor’s cracked? And you’re buying the book for this shit. I don’t know squishy currency well but that’s expensive.-

-They despair quite regularly of my optimism. And yes I will buy the book.-

-And they’re not shorting out all the time? Poor fraggers.- He almost wished that he could get Laserbeak to have recorded the meeting where Optimus proposed enrolling him in school. Not like he coulda gone to an Academy back on Cybertron. Dancers didn’t get to do shit like go to school and the only ones available were science or war ones anyway for his Frame. 

-Your identity was encrypted. Only you and I know unless you reveal it.-

-whatcha going to do if I do reveal myself?-

-I am uncertain as to your meaning?-

-Like beatings, telling me off…-

-Be concerned for your safety and your continued education.-

-You’re so weird. Give me my book and the assignment. It’s almost time to go pester my Screamer.-

-Sending it over to you now. I look forward to being able to comment on your writing.-

Skywarp winced at that idea...he wasn’t the best writer. Maybe he could somehow get TC to proof his shit? TC was from a noble house. He knew how to write well. He wasn’t going to bring this fake science to Screamer. He’d never hear the end of it.


	4. Group Project time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Optimus makes another gamble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who's leaving comments and Kudos. You're awesome!

Optimus knew he was being hopelessly optimistic. But if one Decepticon could rise above his prejudices, could consider more than the fanatical hatred they had...He would not have picked Skywarp of all mechs, the mech had never been rumored to have a particularly strong attachment to education, but he would take whoever and whatever he could. He wanted war to end, to see a new Cybertron rebirthed and he knew it would take both sides, eventually coming together. 

He was gambling on Skywarp’s own curiosity to help him with that goal, even if he did not reveal that to the young flier. And his communications with the Seeker revealed he was young. Not as young as some of his own soldiers, but he was definitely not as old as Optimus Prime had supposed the Command trine to all be. He’d heard rumors of Thundercracker for years...and Starscream was a hard one to miss.

Surprising even him, Skywarp didn’t miss a single assignment, and when they had to partner on group activities, Optimus had conducted some private surveys of the surrounding land reasoning that the Decepticon would have to be lurking nearby to be able to patch into their schooling network. He was able to find Skywarp’s zone of rest and decided it was well past time for the study buddies - as human’s put it - to meet.

He’d set up proximity alarms for the next time Skywarp showed up, and when they went off at a time he could safely disappear for a few hours he finally went to meet the seasoned flier. He kept his frame loose and quiet as he could as he walked toward the clearing. 

Still not quiet enough as Skywarp met him with a loaded weapon in his face. “Peace, Skywarp of Vos.”

“I could kill you right now, and no one would notice,” Skywarp told him. It was true. No one would know but he was gambling. And Smokescreen knew he was prone to big bets on the few occasions he made them

“Yes,” Optimus agreed simply.

He watched Skywarp struggle with himself, wondering if he was going to be shot, or if they were going to be able to be study partners in person, rather than just over the comms. Would vorns of being enemies win over the novelty of what they were doing?

He could almost see the thought processes before the flight frame finally sat down, still with his weapon trained on Optimus. “Why are you here?”

“Our next project is a group project.” Optimus answered.

“I hate group projects,” Skywarp threw himself at the ground. He sprawled out, still with a weapon on the enemy but in a pose of abject misery that Optimus had rarely seen beat. The only two who could look more miserable on his own side were Jazz when accused of having done his paperwork early by Prowl, and Bluestreak. 

“Necessary evils. Humans are social creatures as we have been finding out.” Optimus said. “So they learn socially as well.”

“Screamer would die. He hates giving up control to anyone.” Skywarp said mischievously.

“And you?” Optimus asked.

Skywarp shrugged. “You’ve got to be a level five friend to find that out.”

“I shall endeavor to earn that trust,” Optimus said sincerely. Skywarp snorted.

“So what’s the mission parameters?” Skywarp asked.

“Our assignment is as follows,” Optimus read through the instructions. Dividing out the work didn’t take long after that, it suited both of their strengths. He was better at writing papers, but Skywarp was surprisingly good at the research side. Or perhaps not surprisingly, Skyfire had said that Starscream was a demon at research. Perhaps that was a common trait in his trine?

Once the assignment was divided Optimus had to take his leave. He felt Skywarp targeting him until he was out of range and once he was back on Autobot soil he leaned against an outcropping, drained and somewhat surprised he was still alive. Primus he was lucky. Would his gamble pay off though?


End file.
